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My Dad’s love affair with a rundown family farm

Hello internet, this one might be weird.

My fathers family grew up on an operative dairy and hay farm in P.A. he had three sisters and two brothers. The family occupied this 300+ acre farm for the past 100 years. My grandfather, last living relative on the farm recently passed away. I am one of his seven grandchildren.

My father and mother raised us about an hour away from this farm. I don’t remember visiting the farm and it being a happy place. We are a middle class family and grew up in a nice clean home. My two brothers and I are grown and gone, living all the way down the east coast. My wedding is in a month, my brother is getting married this winter. We are grown and living our own lives, we all are lucky to have nice jobs and live where we love to live.

When my grandfather became less independent, he was 94 years old and my father moved to the farm to take care of him. On the farm there’s field for growing hay, but at this point it is not operational and in my opinion a health hazard. It was almost condemned right before my father moved in and did the bare minimum to fix it up. It was two years on the farm before my grandfather passed away this winter.

My dad never moved back home. Granted my mother and him had some issues, my mother wants nothing to do with this farm. It’s so bad that even if they poured money into it and rebuilt a house there, it wouldn’t really be worth it. It is extremely remote and my mother is not about that life. My mother has made this clear. My aunts (on my dads side) want nothing to do with it either, or any of the grandchildren. It’s a dump with some nicer new buildings my dad built on the property to house the farm equipment and his machinery and cars. They’ve toyed around with starting a beef cattle operation, growing hemp, etc but no one is real enthused about it. There’s also a stone quarry on the property that has given my dad passive income over the years.

No one wants to be a part of this anymore though. It’s a huge undertaking, even the clean up. There are three huge buildings absolutely filled to the brim with garbage. The house is caving in and falling apart. The floors are chewed to pieces by my dads dog. We’re all worried about his health out there all alone. He’s starting to show some weird signs of dementia, which run in his family.

My mom just sits around their old house and has no hobbies of her own. It’s like she’s waiting for him to come back so they can finally move on. But my dad won’t even tell her what his plan is. He almost never comes home or talks to her. Imagine if your husband of 27 years just bounced and never told you what the hell they were doing. This has been going on for so long and it’s so frustrating. We don’t think there’s any other women involved for the record, if there was they’d be crazy for shacking up in that shit hole.

My dad acts like it’s normal, that we should have all seen it coming. I can understand his appreciation of this family land but he spends every working moment maintaining it, and it’s still such an awful place. It’s way too much work for one person, and the reality is it’s not in anyone’s best interest to make this place livable, and if it was its location is a nightmare.

My mom thought she’d be living her best life and traveling with her partner once we were grown and gone, and definitely feels cheated and wronged by the whole thing. Now even bringing up the farm sends my dad into a raging fit, where he screams that none of us know anything about hard work and yadda yadda. He thinks we’re constantly making fun of him, but we’re just trying to understand why this pile of garbage became more important than the rest of his family.

My mom wants to leave NY, and move closer to all of us in the south. There’s nothing left for her there, all of our family has passed away. My dad has never mentioned going with her. I think she’s sick of waiting, and plans to start making moves after these weddings. Which I totally understand.

How can we pull my dad away from this hopeless project? It makes no sense to any of us, and if my mom moves, there’s no reason for us to ever travel there again. My dad would be completely abandoned and alone in a crumbling house in the middle of no where, all for what? Is there something more at play here that we don’t see? We understand being attached to where you grew up, but my dad wasn’t incredibly connected to the place while my grandparents were still alive, and my grandparents ran it into the ground, so it’s not like it’s a beautiful place to be proud of.

Both my parents deserve happiness in their after children years…but it appears that’s impossible to occur together at this point.

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